The Follow Up | veryrandomgirl8's Blog
Today was the first day in a very long time that I can actually say that I was in a legitimately foul mood. I only slept for an hour last night, so I suppose that explains why I might be a bit testy. Yesterday, in contrast, was amazing.
Yesterday, I only got about 3 or 4 hours of sleep and then I woke up and pretty much immediately set to work. I was supposed to give a 5 minute speech to my Business Communications class on why governments should not interfere with big business. I was arguing a point that I didn't agree with, which made it all the more challenging and interesting. I had only finished writing it the night before and so I had very little time to rehearse it. I spent the entire morning practicing the speech and jotting down little notes onto cue cards for future reference. I was still in a very good mood though.
I practiced and practiced, but when it came time for me to give my speech I was still as nervous as a chicken in a fox's den. I did it though. I got up in front of a room full of my peers. I stood up straight and began to speak and...............out came everything that I had written in my speech to near perfection. The words flowed right out of me. My pitch was good, my volume was good, my hand gestures were good, I was enthusiastic and I felt great. I was still nervous, but it didn't affect me as badly as usual. Despite my lack of proper rest, I was able to speak with fluidity with only a few minor stumbles without having to read verbatim what I had written down. Some of the other people who presented that day pretty much just read with very little enthusiasm off of the page that they had written, so I was glad that I didn't sound like that. I was able to use my improvisational skills to come up with just the right words to say. It just felt like I used to feel when I used to act in plays. I felt like a character on a stage. I felt confident in my fancy skirt and top. I felt sexy and charming. Since when has that ever happened? I just hope it's not a one time deal.
Well, that was yesterday. Today was a different story.
Today I woke up with menstrual cramps (TMI I know) and I only slept for one hour. Why couldn't I sleep? Because for some reason, my annoying little brain decided to bombard me with thoughts about those poor women all around the world who end up as sex slaves. I couldn't stop thinking about how unfair it was that by some unfortunate twist of fate, they end up in worse situations than they were in before simply by attempting to improve their situation. Sometimes they don't even have anything to do with it. There is no choice involved.
I couldn't sleep with all the guilt that I felt simply because I was fortunate enough to have been born in a good country with a good education, enough money to be comfortable, a good family and proper human rights protection. I was imagining what it would be like to be one of those women and I was trying to imagine how they could possibly get themselves out of that situation. I came to the chilling conclusion that there really isn't anything they can do. They are at the mercy of their masters. They are hostages who need to be saved. Because of that stark thought, I hardly slept a wink. This was unfortunate because I had a mid term exam to write this morning. I had not been stressing all that much because I felt fairly confident that I could do well in it. Boy was I wrong.
I got to the exam this morning with Monster in hand and as soon as I got a glimpse of the exam, I pretty well knew I was screwed. I've never experienced such a failure as I did today. I left the last few pages of the exam blank. It was an accounting exam and I spent an hour doing all of the journal entries, then posting them and when it came time to add up my trial balance, it didn't balance at all. It was wayyyy off. I couldn't find where I went wrong either, so I just gave up. I would have had to have spent about 2 more hours doing the entire process over again to find where I went wrong. I didn't have 2 hours though. Since my trial balance wasn't actually balanced, that meant that I couldn't do the next part of the exam either because it required that you have the right answers to the first part. I passed in my exam with the blank pages and left with a feeling of utter depression. I got home and almost immediately went back to bed. I slept for a couple of hours and then I got up and had a nice warm shower in an attempt to make myself feel better.
I was looking for a way to cheer myself up then, so I decided that I would go shopping. I hadn't gone shopping for clothes since August of last year, so I figured I could do with a trip to the mall.
A funny thing happened while I was waiting for the bus too. I looked to my left and I could see a man jogging towards me wearing rubber boots and a toque. He didn't look dangerous or anything, so I just figured he was hurrying to the bus stop so he wouldn't miss the bus. I was wrong. He looked like he was just going to walk by me, but then he said hello and started talking about the weather. I was secretly hoping that he would just cut the chat and go away. I wasn't much in the mood for talking to someone who seemed a bit creepy. He didn't stop though. He started into a sermon. He told me that there was a bible meeting on Tuesday at some place and that I should go. "Maybe you aren't interested" he said "but I just want you to know that Jesus loves you. He loves you very very much and you know that God has a plan for you that you couldn't even imagine. God has a really good plan for your life you know." Then he continued on to tell me that they had meetings every Tuesday and that they played games too and something about having computers and that I should come. By this point I was seriously disturbed and I didn't really know how to react. I've never had someone on the street randomly try to convert me to a religion that they didn't even tell me what it was. I was worried that I might just burst into fits of laughter and insult him. It was just so bizarre though. I just nodded a lot, murmured agreement and then told him that I would consider it. I really had no intention of considering it at all, I just didn't know what to say to him. He left me alone then and the bus came and picked me up shortly after.
I got to the mall and headed for one of my favourite clothing stores. I had a great time. The store wasn't busy at all seeing as it was pretty late in the evening and Wednesdays are the least busy day of the week for retail stores. I pretty much had the undivided attention of the sales ladies. They were very helpful and nice and we talked for a bit. One of the ladies told me that I made her day because she had been really bored and she loved helping people find clothes. She told me that she had worked there for 20 years. I guess she must be passionate about what she does.
I ended up finding all kinds of clothes that I liked that I can now use for school. They are business person clothes, so they look very smart and dressy; my favourite kind. Anyway, that certainly helped to cheer me up.
Now I just submitted an assignment and a quiz about an hour ago and I have to go to school tomorrow, so I am going to go to bed now. I am too tired to work with one hour of sleep for a second day in a row :P
Wish me luck....
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Medication Mayhem, posted February 23rd, 2014
The Child Inside Confession#4, posted February 23rd, 2014
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My Chocolate Man, posted February 19th, 2014
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First Post of 2014, posted February 5th, 2014
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When It's All Over, posted October 21st, 2013, 1 comment
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A Letter To My Rapist, posted October 7th, 2013, 1 comment
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Update, posted September 17th, 2013
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Sunny Day Blues, posted April 16th, 2013
Breakdown, posted April 3rd, 2013
Reflections, posted March 28th, 2013
Worst Day Ever!, posted March 8th, 2013
Feelin' Good, posted March 1st, 2013
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